Surrender

 Surrender BLOG JUNE 22 2025 LAURAH

Calling out to God and Dad  ...saying if they could not do it for me there was nothing I could do .

l dissolved into tears and lowered myself under the water in the bathtub...

I was heavily pregnant ...and crying was second nature it came easily ...I felt so lost... untethered ...crushed and helpless....

I sobbed from the depths of my weary pregnant being ...I had reached the end ...no solution in sight...no one to turn to ...I was consumed in my tears and self pity...

In that same moment I surrendered .

I cried out  " There is nothing I can do ....Lord .... Dad.... if you don't help me.... there is nothing I can do"  ...in that very moment the phone rang in the sitting room....

My boss answered the phone.

 I heard her speak and the next thing she called out to me

" Laurah there is a phone call for you from Botswana ... Come and answer it."....

I stood up from the bath tub...dried myself and put on my pyjamas and made my way to the sitting room....

I had washed my face and dried it ... I hid the fact that I had been crying.....I was numb and picked the phone....

What happened next was surreal.....

the reason I was in despair was I needed money,  so I could put down a deposit for a room I   wanted to rent ....but I needed the deposit plus the rental ....and I needed it in the next 24 hours or I would lose the room...that window  squeezed me...

although I was working 

month end was a few weeks away. and my Boss who I lived with had refused to advance me the money....neither would she borrow me the money.  and I had no other means of getting the money .

This created my angst,  and dilemma,  and the pressure built up;  as I really wanted a place of my own....and now that I had found it ,  I lacked the money .

I answered the call and to my astonishment it was a long-time friend,  who happened to be in Botswana.

He had called home in Zambia,  to be told,  I was now working in Zimbabwe.

He got my details and called....as we spoke...he confirmed that he had called my family in Zambia and they directed him to me.

I was just able to mumble yes or no. My mood was low...at which point he asked me what was wrong....

I went silent, and he asked if I was in need of money ....I said yes... how much....I told him the exact amount 

He told me he could send it to me but needed bank details, at which point my boss who had been following the conversation offered her bank details....

I gave him her bank details and he told me the money would be wired in the morning as it was night

I thanked him, dazed ... and he then told me he would be flying down after transferring the money to come see me...as I told him he would have to stay in a hotel .my boss was telling me to give him the office address to come to.

All done we said our goodbyes...and I was left to answer the questions of my boss as to who this mystery man was how did I know him and so on....

I was like a robot....I told her he was a long time friend and begged to be excused as I was completely overwhelmed  by the turn of events;  

Befuddled by  this unexpected bolt from the blue,  that  had come to my rescue ...from a person I had not been in touch with for some years....how odd .....how very very strange!

I went to bed and switched off the light and the sheer relief that I would have the money by tomorrow,  had lifted my heavy load,  and I drifted off to sleep.

I had what can be termed a lucid dream...

I was standing in a field of grass that had electric colours...like neon lights..

The grass had such an intense energy....the green was alive it was vibrating....

There was a bird with  the most amazing electric radiant colours;  with a long tail,  it looked like it's feathers reflected the rainbow.

The sky around me was so vivid. 

All the colours  were intense,  I had never before seen anything more beautiful..the place was alive with energy. 

I took stock of my bearings.  I looked around and saw that I was back at the farm, home, where I grew up in Lusaka,  Zambia .

My mum  and two  older sisters Enneles and Sophie and myself were seated outside by the fireside....and as we talked we looked at the road running adjacent to our neighbouring farm;  belonging to the Mulikita family.

The road divided our two farms but led to another farm belonging to a South African Farmer,  James Cruiys;  who lived at the bottom of both our farms.

I pointed out to my sisters that there was someone walking on the road.

On closer inspection it looked like Dad ...I mentioned this to my sisters....

They looked,  and said no maybe it was Uncle...my father's younger brother,  Uncle Chomba...

I argued and said it was Dad ...they  said how could it be Dad he was dead.

Mum who had been quiet intervened and said " it is your father..."

"Yes, he is dead but he comes to check on all of you."..at which point I asked Mun if he was a ghost and she said no he was not. 

The next thing I knew my Dad had walked up to us and he looked so handsome ...

Dad was a huge guy 6 foot 4 strong and buillt ..he was burly and muscled.....

He was wearing a sports jacket, that was  checkered,  black and white ....and an open necked shirt as was his style....

Dad was a classy dresser...think of suits,  wide bottomed trousers turned up. .. and the fashion those days from the fifties and sixties ... he always wore a hat ...but  not today.

As always his hair  was parted on the side and it looked silver grey....he kept a mustache....this was Dad in living colour. 

He came up to us and said. " Yes it 's me...I am dead but I come to see you all  to check up on you "..and looking at me  he said 

" especially you !"...

I happen to be my parents last born child...number thirteen to be exact. 

As dreams go my sisters and mum faded into the background...

ad approached me and said

" You are the doubting Thomas ...come and touch me" ...he took my hand and had me tap his chest where his shirt was open just below  his throat.

I tapped him several times and exclaimed that he was solid and not a ghost....I looked at him and said  " if you are dead how come you are solid." ...

Dad said yes he was dead but in his world he is alive and as real as any of us....its just that we cannot see him but he can see us.

We talked and honestly I don't recall about what,  but I know this was such a joyous occasion for me.

 I had worshipped my Dad,  and to be in his presence once more;   was more than I could believe or take in.

After some time, dad then told me he had to go ....I asked him where and he said where he had come from....

I told him I would go with him...Dad said i could not go with him where he was going.

I insisted and we went back and forth as I was not going to remain.

Finally he said .." You can come with me, you can escort me  halfway;  but you cannot come all the way." ..

" Why  not "  I cried....Dad answered and said 

You can't come as it is 

 not yet  your time...so you can only escort me halfway.".

I argued.  I told Dad I really wanted to go with him;  as I knew this place must be beautiful...

He agreed...." Yes it  is beautiful.....very beautiful...but you cannot come now...   it is not your time...but you can walk with me halfway".

I agreed reluctantly;  and  we started off.

I recall that I could see my Dad and I walking through a field of waist high grass ....

The greenest grass that swayed by itself...it was  as if I was looking from a distance at the two of us walking as we talked....

It was like my eyesight and vision  had remained behind to spectate,  with an ability to zoom in at will....

Dreams are marvellous ...you become supernatural!

We were in a very broad valley of this green swaying grass... ..flanked by cliffs on either side.

It was the most serene and beautiful.sight ever...

To this day I play it over and over in my minds eye.

We walked and  stopped in the distance...and my sight drew me  closer to our two figures.

I was holding on to my Dad's hands.

Dad was explaining very gently to me,  as I did not want to let him go, that I should never worry...for he always checks on me.... 

Even when I don't call for his help he always checks on me 

He said  all I need to do,  If I am in need,  is call for him.

He will come;  but regardless whether I call,  he will come,  as he always  checks on me .

I reluctantly let him go,  and watched as he disappeared into the distance,  in this most wondrous of places.

He faded from sight and the next thing I was wide awake in my room .....it was about 1am ......

I sat bolt upright in bed ...My whole body was tingling with sensation.

.

What was going on today ...the electric colours of the field ... that  bird. With dazzling colours ..Dad ...the farm  ...my mum and  sisters who were very much alive still.

That valley felt so real...in fact I had the feeling that this was more than a dream ...it was so vivid  it felt like  an actual experience....

I could hear the bird singing and see it flapping it's wings in its electric colours...so alive,  and, this living energy.

Where had I been....This feeling lasted all of five to ten minutes as I recollected  very detail ...

Unlike a dream I remembered every last detail...

Dad's attire etched forever in my mind ....me tapping his chest and being surprised at how flesh and blood he was...

His words to me that he always checks on me and I should never worry,  no matter what,  he will come.... even when I don't call on him.... as long as I am in need....

That truly was the essence of my dad...Dad loved his family.

I felt reassured,  loved ...comforted and a wholesome sense of peace and blessing enveloped me ...

The feeling quickly shifted to fear after about ten minutes .

I had basked in this experience...I recalled every last detail ... because it was an experience that was so strong and present.

I jumped out of bed in fear ....I hurriedly switched on the light...I looked under the bed...opened the wardrobe...opened my bedroom door and looked down the hallway...

Everyone  was sound asleep my boss in her room;  and so too was her son,  he was only five.

That was our total household,  just  us three.

I could not wake them....to tell them what....this was unreal...

I left my bedroom.door open now,  I was scared....what had just happened?

I was in the bathroom and I  was overcome by emotion,. felt totally helpless as I had no means to get the money  within the deadline of  24 hours  ....

in a moment of realiisation I

broke down...and cried out 

" God.... Daddy..

 if you don't help me there is nothing I can do" ......and wept like a baby....

Then the phone rang 

My darkness became light...I went to sleep and I  dreamt or rather had an experience in some very real world ... more real than here...

Where  I  encountered my  dad who  told me,  that no matter he is dead,  where he is , he is alive, in living colour,  and is ever by my side no matter what ! 

I was trembling ...my legs were shaking and I was truly scared...I left the light on and bedroom.door wide open snd sat up in my bed....No sleeping .

I stayed awake until 6am when it was getting dawn....I fought sleep each time it came,  I was so scared..

.I woke up at 7am  ...washed dressed and  ate ....acted normal....went to work and sometime in the morning drove to  Barclays Bank in Highlands,  with my Boss,  to collect the  money.

 Later  in the day we went to the airport to  receive my friend, actually an  ex boyfriend ,  and saving angel , who arrived late afternoon, on a flight from Botswana.

My Boss would invite him to stay with us....he visited for a week then  flew back to Botswana, where he had come to carry out an assignment  and returned home to the  Netherlands.

So why am I sharing this story? 

 It happened for real ,  but for me it's about how  events in my life have been spiritual markers...pivotal moments  that have given me insight into life's deepest mysteries ...

Made me aware how trust or faith in the moment of surrender,  total surrender....crosses a barrier and brings forth miracles.....

Delivers synchronicities  in an instant ....where time is of no consequence.

This has been a pattern in my own life. .

At times I have gotten in my own way and forgotten the lesson....but when I remember, I surrender all and let go and miracles happen.

You to can learn to let go and surrender...allow the divine in you to come to your aid....it will. 

We are perfect as we are .....we are protected and loved as we are....we need no thing ...

just let go and Let God.

When we simply step out of the way and just surrender....Spirit takes over and the realm.of no time and possibility  comes alive and miracles unfold in the instant.

I would later see the valley that my father and I walked through with  the swaying grass..in two films

One was a Tibetan film on finding the reincarnation of a deceased Monk.....

It  was a documentary that I watched as a dvd...made by an Isreali team.

In it, the young monk...who is charged with finding the reincarnated child; walks through several villages in Nepal, until he discovers the child through the various tests.

In the documentary on  one of his travels  he stops at a point , as he passes through the valley.

He  walked to all the villages...

He stopped and  stood in a wide  valley with swaying grass and cliffs on either side;  where my father and I had walked in my dream.....this was the exact place.

I was stunned .....is that where we 

were ?

The second film was Gladiator

When Gladiator or Maximus  dies and his  soul begins to drift  from his body through the fields of wheat...and a woman sings.

Once again I had been in this field with my Father......so does this mean it really exists on the other side?

How can two totally different films,  one American,  Gladiator;  and  the other from the Himalaya in Nepal,   portray the very place I walked with and stood with my father.....

I am.convinced that this other reality is real;  and that we can cross over in certain moments,  and experience it , as I did.

Take the gift I offer...of total.surrender to God and miracles will bless you in no time. 

Sometimes the simple things are what we find hard to do.

Just let go and Let God.

Time for Coffee

 BLOG LAURAH 27 JUNE 2025

Good morning  it's a lively day fresh windy overcast but cool...

It's 08.04am

I will go have a coffee to start my morning ...

My tomatoes have started bearing fruit so rather chaffed ....

I picked my muriwo , kale in English.

Muriwo is Chikunda and Shona for vegetable... and I got a huge handful ...so will cook it with beef and pap.....pap  is your nshima or fufu which we eat with meat or veggies ....similar to polenta.

I will be indoors,  it's way too windy....I would start coughing.

The coughs we caught in Spain, whilst on holiday,   have not completely gone.

Vicky, my daughter,  was saying it's still in her system.

Sianna; my granddaughter,  went for one day and night of camping to  Sherwood Forest,  with her class, year 6...

They left with their teachers yesterday morning,  and are due back this evening at 5pm.

She was so excited. First time to go camping,  and even sleep out.

So pleased with my garden,  and my neighbours are taking note....they continuously give me soil ....plants even containers...the garden has really added beauty to the surrounds.

The hanging baskets on the outside of my garden fence are a profusion of colours.

Lilacs ..rosetta pinks whites and blues of petunias and other flowers in miniature,  which  I dont have the names for;  but they are so charming.

I am blessed.

I watch the birds big and small come drink water,  and play in the garden. They fly in and out,  and are so at home...the squirells too.

The tabby cat comes in too drink water as well. ...it hesitates when I spot it,  but I don't interfere.

The little creatures are guaranteed water in my garden .

My bottlebrush surprised me,  and had it's very first flower....you can Google bottlebrush on youtube.

Kabwe,  my hometown in Zambia;  had whole streets of bottlebrush trees .. they are stunning.

I had a mature one in the ground,  and it would get flowers all over...but the creeper  on the wall fence strangled it..  

So I went and bought a small  bottlebrush  tree  early last year,  and it has flowered....I am super chaffed.

It is still in a pot I need to remove it from it's pot and plant it in the garden.

The bumblebees are back ; as one of my perranials,  a thistle that turns blue,  and grows over 5 feet ....is attracting them ...I am sure its called  an alium.  

The arum lillies are in bloom and this year they are so huge....ivory white and waxy.

One of my neighbours came to admire the garden,  and remarked that he watches me from his flat upstairs when I am  in the garden,  and said " You have green fingers"...

I invited him inside,  as he was leaning over the garden fence to talk with me

He was enthralled.

He  could not believe it;  especially when he saw the grapevine that's climbing up the trellis,  it is so healthy.

It's a black grape I bought two years ago.

I am praying for the first harvest this year....fingers crossed.

He wandered around and was truly captivated...I have put  supporting sticks for my chillies and tomatoes.

The strawberries are doing very well.  Getting bigger and riper by the day.

So at last he said "Please come and get some plants from my garden"  he has fuchsia....Google it....growing wild;  and what looked like lemon balm....whole bushes.

I took cuttings,  including of a creeper with white flowers   that is growing on his fence....I think he said its jasmine.

I  have planted them in a bucket,  with moist compost,  and will see how they do.  

His name is Russell and  his flat is upstairs but he has a downstairs garden.. tiny... but full.of exotic shrubbery,  flowers and creepers.

We are agemates,  his birthday is tomorrow, Saturday 28 June,   he turns 66 ...he was surprised when I told him I turn 66  in October....kikiki....

I always took him to be an old man and treated him with that respect.

My direct opposite neighbour Rob has told me he is getting me pottery,  from a friend of his , who  is moving out of the estate.

He will bring them once his car is working.... my garden angel!

Rob gave me 20 litres of compost some time back....today is the second time he is giving me compost.

That is what I used to plant my hanging baskets and chillies and tomatoes,  the very first time.v

Rob  seems to be the gardens fairy godmother...he too has an upstairs flat but has indoor plants.

The wind has knocked some of the apples off the tree,  but it is covered in apples,  all green,  and growing bigger by the day...

These are cooking apples bramley apples....they get gi- normous

The Apple tree defines the garden ..as it is huge and still growing.

There is a  Magnolia tree;  which  is just behind the apple;  and stands by  the corner of the garden fence; its  leaves are ever so green. 

Directly across from the Magnolia  is a  Camellia bush on the opposite corner of the garden fence,  with its glossy waxy red green leaves. It is  next to the lush green ferns .

The ferns are the same height as the garden fence five feet ...the   garden has a jungle vibe to it ...very tropical......love it .

I  am off to go make that cup of coffee....with bread and peanut butter.

I am waiting for Sianna to arrive either today or tomorrow,  so we can plant seeds together.

I ordered 8 packets of heirloom chillies different varieties brown..black.... purple.... yellow reds and  oranges from all over;  as well as 6 packets of  heirloom lettuces,  of different textures and colours.

One of the lettuces  looks like a leek,  but it is from France,  and said to be rare.

This heirloom website is in the UK and is called " She Grows Veg."...and was set up by two young ladies who favour collecting and selling heirloom plants from across the world..

Their prices are reasonable and they provide a good service,  including advice on growing and aftercare.  

They even have a children's club...I must join for Sianna as they send free seeds for the children every two weeks to get them hooked into gardening. 

One of my chillies is from Zimbabwe others are from Jamaica...Peru ...Chile and Brazil 

I like to have Sianna plant with me,  as she loves gardening,  and it gives me a chance to see how her hand are .

To see  if she has green fingers...but she gets to learn about veggies and herbs from me too.

Sianna actually knows a lot of medicinal plants, insects  and  beneficial weeds,  as I teach her when we take our walks.

She knows the names...can identify the individual plants.. beneficial weeds...  trees ,  and what they cure and how you prepare them.....as well as insects beneficial and pests.

Children are naturally curious and they  learn fast and don't forget.... 

She is becoming a little encyclopaedia....but best of all she loves nature especially trees....she is a mini meand  just eleven years of age..

She learnt that. Linchen growing on trees is a very healthy sign as it signals that the air quality is pure;  and there is no air pollution......

I learnt that too as I never knew that  before , thanks to internet.

I have cloned myself and am.passing on my knowledge,  thereby safeguarding  the love of organic farming,  in the next generation....in my family .

No chemicals.

Protect weeds....love little creatures...grow food... trees plants ..and flowers,  wherever you are;  both indoors and outdoors...save and grow heirloom seeds  ..keep a seed bank at home ....make sure there is water yto drink. for the birds and little creatures .

Sianna knows that flowers plants and trees go go sleep,  when they close up and that they wake up when petals open...but she knows to respect them and allow them to rest as they too are spirit beings ...

She has a deep love of nature.  And has a keen eye for taking good nature photos of flowers plants and animal life in the garden and estate....Her photos are praise worthy.

Fun times with granny,  will become a way of conscious living.  

A legacy to protect and pass on to her own offspring one day!

Keeping the world natural,  as God made it.  

That is the plan ....pass on the knowledge to a willing keeper

That is what grannys do ....time for coffee.

 Colour and Sound ....June 29 2025.  Laurah Blog

I gravitate towards  colour in most things as I feel colour has a resonance or frequency.

When I am feeling low I will wear bright colours  ....as I get a pick me up.....walk into a room I instantly react to the colour coding . 

Some colours reduce me to nerves,  others to the point of rage ...tears or bliss....

With people I give them colours and this  directs me to read  their aura or energy.

I  use colour therapy in meditation,  where I will visualise certain colours to recharge my spirit.

Colours that radiate tranquility like

Pearly pink.....calm.....letting go.

Lime green...refreshing one's energy..

Crystal.white ...healing energy ...purification ...

Powder blue... deep sleep and relaxation .

Misty golden droplets like a spray....strengthering  one spiritually .

These colours and others  I see as beams of light ,  that cascade through you,  like a waterfall.

Sometimes I visualise  beautiful stones or translucent pebbles,  that radiate this light,  like a spray.  

Sometimes I visualise it as very targeted,   so you  can focus the light energy to  specific areas of your  body .

Sometimes I visualise it internally,  when I need to purify, or dissolve a feeling or emotion that is not in harmony ....when I need balance.

I then need to breathe out once this is done...for me the breathing out is a must,  then I feel it's gone.

Colour  has a  frequency that results in an energetic shift, I  can actually feel it .

I have been this way from childhood.  It comes easily and requires no effort.on my part.

For me sound and colour are my go to means, for reading my environment.

I have long believed that colour and sound,  as in chimes or singing bowls,  or different tonalities of sound ...like the soft  soothing sound of rain,   has the power to.calm you down and detoxify one of stress .

Perhaps  that is the reason I am drawn to nature ....it is the variation of textures and colours that speaks to my being at an energetic  level.

I feel an immediate  shift and I respond internally..

The different colours in nature affect my mood and are like a tuning fork.

I feel the intensity and message of the colours ....it is a non verbal form of communication that I have always participated in.

I  have always walked and breathed,  and lived,  in

This world of colour and sound.

It is a sound and colour bath that washes through you.

If I told you that colour has sound or loudness or depth ...it is a visual language...would you believe me?

Sound for me has healing qualities depending on its tonality and duration.

So combined;  both colour and sound to me ....appear as a 

Non verbal.language of love.

They never lie as they come across as  feelings  or emotions ....depending on the colour or sound they vary in intensity  and duration.....

Sometimes they shake your being other times imperceptible  ..like a faint brush with the wind...barely felt but if you are in tune with your surroundings and you are attuned to your body,  you can sense it and register it .

Beyond colour and sound there is another exchange thst is purely a transfer of energy...auric transfer between fields of energy...

How can I put it...like for me I feel this or experience it everytime I walk and look at trees...

I take part in a transfer of energy...its immediate and undeniable....

It differs from tree to tree depending on its presence it's beauty it's strength its aura....its spirit.

.I communicate or rather I walk in a field where I pick up this energetic  frequency.....I don't know any other way of putting it.

I talk with the trees in these moments when I drink in their staggering beauty...and as I do I can feel a corresponding  shift and response within me....it is an energetic exchange between me and the tree.

Spirit to Spirit.

So I have always translated my world of meaning to include sound ...colour ...and a  silent transfer of energy....

This has always been my world and perhaps that is why I value silence and solitude,  as the noise of daily living distracts your awareness from tuning in.

Within Stillness,  my visual auditory and energetic sensors are at maximum reception and I come alive  in this expanded effortless  language of love.... of spirit.